December 9th, 2009

Blazers Edge asked Who wouldn’t love to hear Outlaw announce a game?

HowlinJoeWolf had the idea down perfect. That guy should be producing television.

“Yes!

I’ve been calling for this in my own head for the last couple of weeks. Except my version wanted to see Outlaw and Batum taking over for the pregame/halftime guys. Not just being “special guests” who are only asked controlled questions. But just getting the whole show to themselves for a few games while Bob and Michael get the day off.

Batum would be the straight man. The Mike Barrett role, if you will. Except with suave French understatement. Entire halves of play would be summed up with pithy irony, or dismissed with a wave of the fashionable French cuffs. Outlaw would be wilder than the Wild One, as also noted by two4larue. Half the show might be spent with him playing tricks on the segment producers, or answering half of his questions by dancing in his chair.

Sample dialogue:

NB: “It ees halftime. Le Blaze-airs, perhaps they win I think. Difficult in NBA. One cannot predict. Let us sample other matches played tonight? Tony Parker has 22 points so far. Moving on. Life. [stares off camera thoughfully … ] It is thrilling and miserable. [snaps back] Thoughts for second half? Travees?

TO: “Awwww, Nic, you fresh. It’s gonna be like this. Lamarcus, he gonna be all [makes funny noise, like a truck] and Dre gonna wake up from a nap and then … [dances in chair for 90 seconds] and then B-Roy hit it all like, [makes high pitched noise] awwww yeah!!!!

NB: Back with more. After the old man sells you televisions.

Seriously, I defy you to find me someone who wouldn’t gladly watch this a few times instead of the usual routine. It would be like the TNT crew, but better.

And now that you think about it, we’ve got an entire crew worth of rehabbing Blazers that could take over broadcast jobs, and make a better fan experience. Who would you cast to fill it out? If nothing else, Rudy has got to take over the sideline mic from Haarlow for a few games. Somehow I see the Schonz and Oden doing a memorable guest spot as the radio team, if for no other reason than to top the record for how many times “yes sir” has been said in a radio broadcast. And we haven’t even started with finding the right job for Patty Mills. But honestly, what can’t a crazy Australian do.

I don’t know if this is too much levity for these brutal times to be a Blazer fan. But sometimes you’ve got to lighten the load the darker things get, so I’d love to hear any good inspired castings people can think of for our injured Blazers.”